Bomb Blast? No biggie!

**BREAKING NEWS**: The sound of, what seems to be a massive explosion, was heard in the elite locality of Defence in Karachi this evening. Residents from near-by areas were reported to have run outside their houses in panic, some of whom were of the notion that the city had been hit by a strong earthquake. The cause of the explosion has not been verified as yet, but our channel will bring you the latest as we receive more.


**UPDATE**: We're sorry to inform you that it wasn't an explosion; it seems that Meera Ji was shooting an action scene for her up-coming, soon-to-be-a-flop movie " My Sweet 16: Meera ki Jawaani".


I bet you're a little disappointed. 
You know you are.


Sex. Drugs. Rock n Roll. Islam. Fuck. Religion. Bastard. Veena Malik.


Wait, wait, wait. Is this a game of Identify-the-odd-ones-out? Unfortunately, no. You're probably gearing up to read a blasphemous piece of writing. Are your freshly-washed turbans and Qurans out? Have your five, previously relaxed, senses suddenly sprung in to action, ready to catch and devour anything that may repel them? Well then, I'm really sorry for having to say that you will require none of the above. 


I just like doodling sometimes.


I bet you're a little disappointed. 
You know you are.


In shocking news, twenty-five montessori children were reported missing during a field trip after their van crashed in to a tree on a national highway in Karachi . There has been no word on their whereabouts for the past thirty-six hours; the driver, who is also a suspect in this case, is on the loose; people who live around the Lyari area are requested to notify the police if they have any further information. The suspect, it was been found, has a criminal record. Kidnapping and/or murder are most likely in this situation.


Oh no, wait. Sorry. We found them. They were at school. There was no field trip. 


I bet you're a little disappointed. 
You know you are.


So, what am I doing here, possibly offending most of you?


Pakistan has turned in to a really messed up version of an action/thriller/horror movie-gone-bad. The more twists and turns the more pop-corn is stuffed into greedy movie-goers' mouths. The more the gore, the more the "Hai Allah!" moments. The more "mystery" and "Astaghfirullah!" sputtering opportunities, the more the release of ever-ready adrenaline. We've become so used to, "Well, it can't be worse than this", that when it's not worse than "that", we've already readied ourselves by lowering our standards and raising our expectations. But is it our fault? Are we to blame? 


What happened after the Air Blue flight crashed on the 28th of July 2010? Our television sets were saturated with disturbing images of the demolished aircraft, of  the victims' family members mourning in the "sanctity" of their homes. Our media took the added step of invading the privacies of numerous families during their times of rightful grieving. They bombarded them with mounds of personal (and hurtful, in my opinion) questions. "Aap ki beti kaisi thein?", "Kya aap unn ko miss kareein gi?", "Kya hum unn ka janaza film kar saktay hain?"


And HOW can I forget the cute, little animated Air Blue plane that was repeatedly being blown up on the bottom left hand-side of the Geo News channel? I like cherries on top of my cakes. I enjoy animated versions of disasters too (How did you find out, Geo?).


This is just one example of how the media plays a large hand in numbing us to things/events which should make us uncomfortable. Each and every day, we're invited to sit through pictures and videos of violence, death and gore- to name a few. Being human, how can we remain unaffected?


Times have gone from bad to worse. It's reached a point now where we don't even notice how bad "bad" was and how much worse "worse" is now. A bomb blast is no big deal. "Acha haan, aaj zara bomb phatta tha. Coffee peenay chalna hai?". It's all the same. Happens everyday. We think it's normal when it's actually border-line pathological.


I admit that this piece may be a sweeping generalisation. I'm sure there are many people out there who are as sensitive to, for example, bomb blasts, as they ever were before. I'm also sure there are scores of people who will read this article and wholeheartedly disagree with my point of view (and legitimately so). However, my concern here is bolstered by day-to-day reactions to events that have become recurring patterns. These "events", along with the media's performance, are numbing us to pain which should, essentially, make us scream in agony. Having said that, I do not discount reality itself. We can't hide from it or deny it's existence. How long can we turn a blind eye to things which other people, who have not been as lucky as some of us, have had to face? How long will the fairy tale last for us? It's everywhere. The fear of stepping out of your own house. The new-found stopping-at-traffic-lights-phobia (we should find that a name now). The need to hire guards to escort you to public gatherings. The fearful feeling when a police officer signals you to pull over at night?


I have a problem with the fact that Pakistanis are becoming more and more robotic with each passing day. There seems to be of a more pursuit for "sensationalism" rather than for "sensation". My concern lies in the threat that our children will be "born this way". I worry about us becoming insensitive and callous to . I'm distressed imagining a day when human life and suffering will mean nothing to us. I fear losing us losing our selves.


But what's the solution?


I wish I knew. To be honest.

Saint Maya of Benazir Bhutto Park

Who the hell is Maya Khan and where did she suddenly pop-up from? Maybe I'm too busy living my own burger life to know who she is, but I'm pretty sure of one thing: very few people leave me speechless, and she has  had the (dis)honour of being one of the few (un)lucky ones to have had that effect on me. But while I relentlessly fume at the cheap and, ironically, immoral, "project" this lady managed to successfully execute, another concern comes to mind; one that SHOULD be considered equally salient:


Television gives the masses what it thinks they want. There are numerous people who work behind the scenes- research, production, direction, script-writing, idea-formulation and logistics (to name only a FEW)- who have the authority to either accept or veto ideas.


So, do these people:


a)Think that this is what we, the masses, want to watch- do we yearn to wake up every morning to a group of nosey, holier-than-thou, menopausal aunties? 

b) Have mentalities that reflect agreeing points of view? Does the fact that the idea was approved by the directors, writers of one of Pakistan's leading television channels, echo a similar and ever-growing mentality of our nation and of people who have the power to CHANGE our mind-sets?


I feel it be a matter of concern when what we get is what is thought of as what we want. Confused? Samaa Tv probably thought, "Hey this is EXACTLY what our viewer base wants because this is exactly the kind of stuff they preach. We can continue making MILLIONS by chasing young-love out of parks in Karachi. Let's do it. No one's going to NOT condone this. 


And you know what? They're probably right. You can't be stupid AND run a television channel as successfully as Samaa TV. The creators of the Maya Khan show (whatever it's name is), KNOW  that we do not have a scarcity of Maya-Khan-like-robots  running hither and thither in Pakistan. So maybe we shouldn't really blame them. But I'd be ignorant if I didn't. These people are role models. They enforce and reinforce ideas, morals and codes of behaviour in to those who religiously follow their shows. Why is it imperative for us, as Pakistanis, to continue to stick our noses where they don't belong? Why are some of us hell-bent on making other people's issues and responsibilities our own? These "professionals" may counter my arguments by saying, "Well, these things affect how OUR own children/youth are being socialised- they'll think it's okay to go on dates in parks without their parents' consent.  We're the media. It's much like an obligation. We need to make a positive difference."


Well then, where are these arguments when you air despicable content which is explicit not only for your 10-year old pre-pubescent sons/daughters, but also for your 80-year old mothers/fathers who watch television on a daily basis? Where do all those moral and ethics vanish at that time? Oh so you mean, you'd like the beautiful, young, half-nude actress shaking her heavy bosom for the camera to be your children's role model? Well done!


Let's say it's not about "DUTY". Let's say it's, "Oh but this is what the FANS want." 


If the "fans" want porn, will you give them porn? So you're willing to, potentially, jeopardize the reputations, feelings and privacy that those young couples are entitled to, for the sake of cheap capitalism? Technically, they should be able to sue you right about now. 


It scares me to think that we are being led by such people who have the biggest impact on society.  Are there no limits? No boundaries? Is everything primed by a green light? Is there no respect or concern for consequences? What's next? 


We have better things to be focusing on. Honestly speaking, I shouldn't even have to be writing this piece. Why should I? Are there not people dying in my own city- my own locality even? Is our country not being hit by severe price-hikes? Are we still not recuperating from devastating floods? Isn't our government not going through a notorious period of it's power? And this is just a fraction of what the real picture is. 


Thank you, Maya Khan- for making us realise that all the above calamities have secondary importance in your eyes and of your useless minions as well.  Also, I'd like to give a special shout-out to our very own local media for doing the best they could have to embarrass themselves.  It seems as though Veena Malik has competition. 

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Two Thousand and For the Better

             In recent, I have begun to believe in the superstitious powers of the universe: karma, destiny, fate, signs and omens. I have come to believe that things happen for a reason- good or bad, often out of our control; I have come to believe that events occur to serve a purpose- a way that God communicates with us; I have come to believe that we will eventually reap what we sow; and finally, I have come to believe that our decisions and actions may reveal more to us than we could have imagined.  The year 2011 has taught me well, however cruelly.

           

         I began the year in a celebratory, cheerful fashion. “Happy hormones” were generously being excreted throughout my brain as my heart pulsated rapidly in my chest - it was great. The future looked bright and full of promise. I had recently stepped out of a bad chapter of my life and entered in to a newer, more exciting and, what seemed to be, a more rewarding one. I had finally rediscovered my social circle that I had previously been barred from having any interaction with. The lack of stressful factors and responsibilities that night was something that I had not even considered thanking God for because the feeling was something I had continuously taken for granted for a very long time. I remember being in a “good place”. It was all too good to be true. I still remember standing on my friend’s roof that night and looking out at the glittering Karachi night-view that was so graciously provided to me and thinking, “Tonight’s going to be the start of a better tomorrow. And the tomorrow after that. And the tomorrow after, after that. “

Today, I have 27 days until 2012 pushes its way in to the limelight and it all seems too soon. Too fast. Too different. My environment and life circumstances have changed- in both, good and bad ways. I feel like I’ve matured and grown over the last 12 months in a collection of spheres of my “self”. I have made mistakes which have taught me more than any “How to Get Through Life” book could have ever taught me; I have taken innumerable faulty decisions for which I have had to pay hefty prices; I have experimented with and tried new things for which I am, both, regretful and thankful for; I have learnt to forget myself for the betterment of others; I have learnt to accept things that I had to concede were out of my locus of control; I have learnt the importance of certain structures that  are a part of my life which I previously ignored; and most of all, I have learnt to treasure the good things in life- my family, my friends and the bounties that God has blessed me with.

However, this road to enlightenment has not been the smoothest. In the midst of this ruckus, I fell off the path I had once chosen for myself. A path full of goals, codes, aspirations and glittering stars. I had always had a certain picture in my mind which had kept me focused in the past and directed; however, when things did cease to go the way I had planned them out to be, I realised that my energies were being channelled into areas which, now looking back, didn’t deserve the care. Time was spent trying to improve the situation, precious concentration splashed in to trying to rationalise every little ill-intended act that slowly became a ritualistic behaviour pattern. In addition to that, my mother was diagnosed with a form of cancer during the mid-summer months which was a mixture of perfect icing on the cake and a tough reality check blended into one sour drink. “This is not what I’d planned. This is not what I had ever imagined”, I thought to myself. In a short time span I found myself becoming this ungrateful, pessimistic monster- someone I, somehow, could not identify myself with, but also a demon I could not detach myself from. My daily habits deteriorated, my performance in my day-to-day activities was a near zero. I was angry. And sad. And happy. And confused. All at the same time. I thought it would never end.  But as I sit here looking back at the chain of events that occurred, I can confidently tell myself that I was wrong.

Monsoon clouds pass over once they’ve done their job; and although they may wreak havoc wherever they pause to relieve themselves, those who suffer as a consequence learn to cope. They may mourn and grieve at their losses for some time but in time they realise that, in order to continue living a healthy life, they must clean up the mess and move forward. So they take a breath of renewed strength and energy, stand up and begin the dreadful deed. They rebuild the homes they had once lived in happily and work towards making themselves financially sustainable in order to repair their lives. Although it is a mind-shatteringly tough feat which requires, both, psychological and physical strength, they may come out of the experience as stronger individuals. Similarly, in time, as I was able to overcome the shock of my mother’s health and face reality in other relationships, I felt myself learning more than I felt I had learnt in the past year. I realised that life may throw dirt on your face, but unless you don’t make the effort to wipe it off, things would not change. I was able to foresee the implications of my negative stance on my future- I knew that the decision was up to me as to what I wanted to do with my current situation. My youth could either be wasted or utilized efficiently. It was hard to make the first step, to walk away from unhealthy habits, from relationships I cherished but could no longer make excuses for, distance myself from stimuli that weren’t in my best interest and most importantly, to put innate grief and fear in the background.

The road is rocky. It always will be. That’s life. But I’ve come to realise that there are events that we feel are out of our control when, in reality, they can be harnessed only if we want them to be. I believe in karma- I believe that whatever happened this year has repaid me in kind and will continue to do so. I believe in fate- things have a reason for playing out the way they do, however much we are unable to explain their occurrences. Lastly, I believe in signs- every event holds a significance that should not be overlooked or ignored.

However much I have hated this year, I feel like I have gained the most out of it than any other. I have come out a stronger, a more mature, and more grounded person than I was on the night of 31^st December as I looked out from my friend’s roof. I look forward to what 2012 will hold for me, obviously in hope that it will be better than what this previous year brought forth. I cannot predict or control what God has in store for me, but I can only have faith in my credentials and belief in karma, for what goes around comes around.

           

Degrees of Democracy

Home » News & Politics
Degrees of Democracy
By Sara Kazi    18 AUGUST 2010

 NEWSLINE MAGAZINE

When Jamshed Dasti appeared before the Supreme Court to prove his innocence over charges of cheating and lying his way into parliament, the nation witnessed two things: a functioning judicial system and a shameless politician. The PPP MNA from Muzaffargarh was accused of holding a fake master’s degree in Islamic Studies, and so he was being held accountable before the nation’s highest court. When the judges asked Dasti to name the first 15 chapters from the Holy Quran, the only response they received was silence. This silence endured even after a judge asked, “How about the first two?” Dasti voluntarily resigned in the days that followed. Nonetheless after his verdict was announced, Dasti openly called the court’s decision a joke and claimed that the court of public opinion in his district was the only one that mattered.

Jamshed Dasti is just one of the many politicians who were found guilty of acquiring fake degrees. By the end of July 2010, the degrees of 47 members of parliament and provincial assemblies had been verified as fake and many more were expected to be added to the list. The PML-N was leading the pack with the the PPP following closely behind.


The roots of the scandal grew from a 2002 law imposed by General Pervez Musharraf that stated that all candidates standing for parliamentary elections must have a bachelors degree or equivalent. Despite the former president defending his stance by saying that the move would improve the quality of lawmakers, critics believe that it was a tactic to sideline particular opponents from contesting elections. Others termed it undemocratic in a country of 180 million people where less than 50 per cent of adults are literate.


During the elections held in 2008, there were a few candidates who decided to sneak under the radar and take oath on the Quran, despite not having the required degrees. Now, a couple of accusations against a few lawmakers have ballooned into one of Pakistan’s biggest political scandals under the current administration. Degrees of at least eight federal and provincial ministers have so far been found to be forged or invalid by the Higher Education Commission (HEC). However, the numbers are expected to increase as the degrees of more than 800 parliamentarians are yet to be authenticated.


Investigations have been prolonged, intense and often dramatic. There have been alleged kidnappings, scandals of cheating politicians being exposed in front of the nation, and allegations that the government was trying to slow the verification process down. The federal government gave the Higher Education Commission the task of collecting and verifying the degrees of the 1,170 parliamentarians of the nation by July 27, 2010 (extended from July 8, 2010). However, the deadline had to be extended two weeks further when it was announced that only 270 degrees had been properly processed. Furthermore, by the date of submission, the HEC had not received proper credentials of 595 parliamentarians. Helping the Commission go about this task (in accordance with a standard procedure) were 36 universities, which included Punjab University, Karachi University, Allama Iqbal Open University, and Shah Abdul Latif Bhitai University. However, on July 20, 2010, 516 degrees out of 736 degrees were sent back by the HEC to the respective universities for not being assessed according to the pre-set guidelines. Out of the 63 degrees sent back to Punjab University, four degrees, one of a senator and three of MPAs of the Punjab Assembly, were found to be fake.


Some speculate government tampering. According to Ansar Abbasi of The News, Education Minister Sardar Aseff Ahmed Ali was approached by the presidency to stop the verification process of parliamentarians’ degrees “at all costs.” President Asif Ali Zardari is apparently quite distressed by the entire ordeal as it is alleged that he believes it is merely a conspiracy to oust his PPP government. His fears were mirrored by Information Secretary Fauzia Wahab. While talking to various media personnel outside Bilawal House recently, she said that the fake-degree scam was nothing more than an attempt to “derail” democracy. She never explained how having politicians lie their way into parliament was democratic.


The fight spread to the institutions in the middle of the crisis. A duel between the HEC and the Education Ministry of Pakistan broke out. The HEC began sending out degrees to various universities for inspection without consulting the education ministry, to the annoyance of the Federal Minister for Education, Sardar Aseff Ahmed Ali; he termed it unconstitutional. In a statement, he said that the HEC should have conferred with the ministry before initiating the assessment of the MPs’ degrees. In response, HEC Chairman Dr Javaid Leghari stood by his actions saying that the HEC was the only institution that had the right to recognise the validity of any degree issued in Pakistan or abroad and was doing nothing that was against the government’s policy.


A lot has been said about the overwhelming pressures that Dr Leghari has been facing from different political groups, parliamentarians and even the federal government. There were media reports about the HEC chairman being forced to resign from his post. In a meeting with Prime Minister Yousuf Raza Gilani about the problems he was facing, Dr Leghari related accounts of maltreatment of his family members during raids at his family home in Goth Leghari. But then things escalated to a whole new level. On July 13, Leghari’s brother Farooq Leghari, a former District Coordination Officer (DCO), was reported missing by his family. It was later discovered that he had been arrested on charges of inappropriately obtaining four to five crore rupees worth of land and vehicles at the expense of the provincial exchequer. It was hardly surprising that all these accusations surfaced just days before the HEC chairman was to announce the names of the politicians whose degrees were forged.


Top politicians and MNAs such as senior minister of Khyber-Pakhtunkhwa Rahim Dad Khan, Syed Muhammad Salman Mohsin, Mazhar Hayat of the PML-N, and Hayatullah Khan Tareen, Nasir Ali Shah and Mir Hamayun Aziz of the PPP have been found guilty of possessing fake degrees, while other important figures such as President Asif Ali Zardari, his sister Faryal Talpur, Senator Ms Ratna Bhagwandas and MNAs Dewan Syed Ashiq Hussain Bukhari and Mir Amir Ali Khan Magsi are being considered as suspects.


The question of punishment and justice lingers awkwardly in the air. With the current numbers, approximately 47 MNAs could face disqualification from parliament or hefty prison sentences. Despite calls from politicians such as Tehreek-e-Istaqlal’s president, Rehmat Khan Wardag, for a lifetime ban on parliamentarians holding fake degrees, the Supreme Court has said that those found guilty may only face a maximum prison sentence of three years. The apex court’s decision reflects section 78 of the Representation of People Act, 1976. However, Section 100 of the same act states that a person guilty of a corrupt practice could be disqualified from being elected as a member of the Assembly. Secretary Election Commission of Pakistan, Ishtiaq Ahmed, announced that any parliamentarian found to be guilty will be given the chance to explain his case to the courts.


Despite the tumultuous ups and downs that the nation has witnessed throughout this scandal, there have been incidents that have been quite amusing, such as the time when Balochistan’s Chief Minister, Aslam Raisani, uttered the historic words, “A degree is a degree! Whether fake or genuine, it’s a degree! It makes no difference!” According to PPP leader, Sardar Aseff Ahmed, “The courts should focus on other issues of more significance rather than taking up the fake degrees cases.” It is not surprising that the PPP feels this way. The PPP government faces mid-term elections if more party members are found to be fake-degree holders – a thought that most probably thrills the opposition.


Luckily for Jamshed Dasti, on April 21, 2008, the Supreme Court removed the requirement of candidates possessing a degree to participate in the general elections on the pretext that the Musharraf-imposed law was in contradiction to Article 17 (freedom of association) and Article 25 (equality of citizens) of the Constitution. Even though he was previously found guilty of possessing a fake degree, Dasti was not only made the adviser on livestock to the Prime Minister but a fortnight later was also granted a ticket to contest by-elections from the same NA-178 Muzaffargarh-111 constituency by the PPP. Despite disqualification petitions launched by rivals such as Nawabzada Iftikhar Ahmad, Dasti later won the elections. His punishment and disgrace has seemed to come to naught. The more things change, the more they stay the same.

Culture Schmulture

If you are ever walking down a bustling Karachi street, you might ignore the ethnic and cultural diversity that surrounds you- an anglicised business-man might pass by you fitted in the latest Hugo Boss business-suit followed by a conservative woman wrapped up in a “shuttle-cock” burqa. You might argue that rather than culture, this may have more to do with a gaping class-divide and the prevalence of numerous sub-cultures residing in Pakistan’s largest city. In fact, if you take a second to ponder over what you just saw, it might be clear that both these afore mentioned individuals belong to different ethnic groups- the veiled woman’s electric blue eyes and the man’s dark skin provide stereotypical insights into what has come to define this city.

The concepts of diversity and multiculturalism have become the “ideals”- many, if not all countries, pride themselves in housing people belonging to varying cultural and ethnic backgrounds. Canada, for example, officially adopted ‘Multiculturalism in Canada’ as one of its policies between the 1970s-1980s. In addition, the Canadian government has often been described as ‘the instigator of multiculturalism’ as an ideology because of its public emphasis on the social importance of immigration. As a result, it is still very well-known for accepting more immigrants per capita than any other country. But how well does this sit in practical life? Are immigrants considered and often treated as second-class citizens? Are they able to, as effectively and easily, escalate on the social and occupational hierarchy scale as native Canadians may? What do the rates of reported and unreported acts of discrimination tell us about how well-suited this type of society is to its people? According to Statistics Canada, hate crimes against ethnic minorities increased by forty-two percent in 2009 (preceded by a 35 percent increase in the previous year). And these were just the reported crimes. Where would the figures lie if one considered unreported cases? Similar is the case with countries such as the United States and Australia which share a similar case history to Canada. However, the degree of unrest due to multiculturalism is clearly evident here.

How might one explain the era of discrimination against black people prior to the Civil Rights Movement in the United States? What lessons did the Holocaust and pre-partition India teach us about different ethnicities living under the roof of one nation? Why is it that although multiculturalism and acceptance of diversity are increasingly being encouraged the world over, minorities are still relatively (and often drastically) disadvantaged? For example, a 2007 Statistics Canada study shows that from 2004-2007, the income levels of recent immigrants decreased steadily whereas natives were more likely to benefit in terms of the wages that they earned compared to these immigrants. Furthermore, even in countries other than Canada (Pakistan offers one such example with the various minority groups that reside here), people from a cultural and ethnic minority are more commonly found performing menial, clerical or labour-intensive, low-status jobs. Many people are not allowed to perform their cultural traditions or live their lives according to what they believe is acceptable because of the various dogmas they are often required to follow; unfair treatment scares people from whole-heartedly expressing themselves. Does equality, thus, exist? Are hierarchies further reinforced by encouraging this kaleidoscope of cultures and ethnicities in to one area? Would life be more peaceful if birds of a feather did flock together?

Karachi is another such melting pot. With the number of ethnic killings at an all-time high this year, one wonders whether it is advisable and wise to house such a variation of people under one roof. Families have been torn apart, scores of innocent people have been killed, political parties have become more ethnically motivated than ever and every day is just another gamble for the average city dweller. 


Maybe we can’t deal with diversity. Maybe culture was defined so because it highlighted the need for it to be integrated, shared and communicated amongst the people of a society- something that is clashing with modern day living. 


Perhaps diversity could be analogous to delivering a baby before the expected date- purely premature.

We're just too stupid

There are things our hearts long to do, experience and feel. These are strong urges which often blind us from seeing reality; they sugar coat the truth that we should see and, at the end of the day, leave us high and dry wondering why we didn't know any better previously. We mourn our lack of maturity and self-control- we cry, bleed emotion and make false promises to ourselves with great vehemence to put an end to it....but to what end?

A couple of days later, we're back to square one: hurting ourselves in the same way we'd promised ourselves we wouldn't ever again; more regretful than ever.

So why don't we put an end to this emotionally-suicidal rat race we call pleasure?

We don't know it yet, but we're just waiting for the day it comes and hurts us beyond repair.

We're living a treacherous life. It's dangerous. We're just too stupid turn it around.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

Hypnotize you

"Just close your eyes let me hypnotize you; I can make your stormy feel sky blue" sounds just about perfect right now.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

Her versus You

I don't speak to You very often anymore. I'm sorry. But there's something about Your Name that makes my lips crumple and my eyes bleed salt.

Or maybe its the way she hums Your Name as she tries to put me to sleep at night. I haven't heard that melody in a very long time... but I'd like to oh so badly...

I promise I'll sleep if You promise to tell her to sing to me once again...

It's been too long...
I can't always be this strong.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

For her

As it tears her apart, it brings this family together. 

Who knew that this is what it would take?

Map me out, why don't you?

Maps don't represent reality, afterall. We dedicate the majority of our elementary geography classes learning how to understand and interpret them, but at the end of the day, I've come to realise that they're as baseless as anything else that has been subjectively created. We think science is our objective reality but we forget that science is a product of human intelligence, and is thus, in more ways than one, biased. There are many ways one can look at it, whether it be from a sociological, religious, historical or socio-economic perspective, but at the end of the day, some sort of criticism will remain evident.

We think we've developed as a race- we claim to have become more intellectually evolved, racially diverse, culturally accepting amongst other fallacies- but, because we are, at the end of the day we are as ethnocentric and self-serving as it comes. Maps play a big role in determing our world-view (literally). It's very unconscious and subliminal (think: Disney), but it's enough to materialise certain conceptions. Why is the north pole situated at the top of the world map and the south pole at the bottom? Why does the equator determine what is “above” and “below” it- why are some countries to it's north and others to it's south? What significance do the projected sizes of certain countries and continents have on those studying the map? Why is Europe and West Africa in the center and Australia and South America at the bottom- could there be a causal link with discrimination due to this? Is possible to get an accurate picture of the world through a map considering one has to trace 27,000 spherical miles onto a standard, flat piece of paper? These are some of the concerns many people, including myself, have had with maps such as the The Mercator projection. Some critics say that it was a convenient way for Europeans to maintain their colonial foothold with the size of their continent on a map whilst reducing the size of underdeveloped nations. It is nteresting to see that the Equator is placed 2/3 of the way down the map rather than halfway down causing Europe seeming larger than South America (which in reality is twice the size of Europe); Alaska is shown to be thrice as large as Mexico, although the latter is the larger of the two; and finally, Greenland is drawn larger than China (China is actually four times larger than Greenland).

Such faults and ethnocentric views make me question what we're being taught....and how we've subliminally accepted “universal truths”. Before this, I had never questioned the authenticity of a world map- to me it was plain science; but now that I think about it, there IS no objective reality. I can construct a map the way I'd like to project it. I could place Pakistan at it's center, magnify it's size, change it's colour to make it look more attractive- and who knows, it could be the start of a new, healthy way people perceive us as a people, culture and geographical entity. Instead, we've followed whatever that has been set down to us. Reality is how you perceive it- no one can see Earth in it's full entity even from space- you'll only ever see the half which faces you.

It's interesting to wonder and questions the smallest of things that we've been taught- conspiracy theory much?. How can set the biased away from the unbiased, the subliminal from the conscious and the good intentions from the bad? How do we set ourselves apart and try to define ourselves the same way others have done so? It angers me that the makers of these biased maps have succeeded in making the rest of the world see what they want us to see; and we, instead of actively questioning what we are being taught, internalise it instead. It makes me think of the maps which distort political boundaries between countries, for example, India and Pakistan. In most world maps, you will now find Kashmir added to the Indian boundary, leaving Pakistan with a cut out semi circle at it's northen pole. Similarly, Iraq and Kuwait fought over whether Kuwait was a part of Iraqi land due to a map laid out by Europeans in the early 1920's which had instated an erroneous border line between the two countries. Are these ways to accomplish and cover certain agendas certain agencies have in mind? Could many of our problems today be solved just by editing a stupid map that we've been staring at for innumerable centuries?

Food for thought, not just for us as individuals, but also as a nation that has been living in obscurity for much too long.

What.....?

As the rain pours down battering us down shitless, I look up towards the sky- it's pretty mad at me. It knows what I've done...what I do..and what I will probably continue doing. It's beautiful- there's an absence of fear in my soul somehow. I remember it being there once upon a time not so long ago. I remember the feeling of taboo as I used to look around me. Things didn't seem right. But now, as I stare up into the sky, I can only feel grandiose and super. But I'm a new convert. A newbie. A novice. An amateur. Things don't always settle well initially, they say. So as I challenge what's up above me, the remnants of my innocence attempt to expel some sort of sense of shame into my blood stream.


Weak Nausea.


It goes away.

The rain continues to fall, the skies light up, their anger focused on my vehemence.

The child has blossomed into a black rose of some sort. I feel a slight sense of remorse but it's weak enough to dissipate soon. The rain feels good. So does this new way of life. So do the decisions I make.

I've won. Or lost.


What do I know?

Somewhere in the United States

Why can't you want me like the other boys do?
They stare at me while I.....crave you.

Generation Lost

We're a closed off generation- a generation motivated by so-called strength and power, repulsed by weakness and emotions. We drive ourselves on pent up frustration masked behind false exteriors; our lives are governed by passive-aggression, weak impulse control abilities and an array of unresolved conflicts. But why? Is it weak of us to experience pain and anxiety? Does it make us less "legit"? Do hiding, denying our truths and regressing from our true selves make us better human beings? The answers to all these questions are, obviously, subjective; but in my time of observing those around me- friends, coworkers, family members etc- I cannot help but notice that the trend of projecting certain cemented carvings of oneself to others is just part of the norm.

We are slowly but surely forgetting the importance of feeling, of living in the moment with our emotions, of being able to identify how we feel- often, in response to the notorious "How do you feel?" you're more likely to receive an "I don't know" or "I'm great!" rather than that specific adjective you're looking for. We've become to used to the pretentious facades that we desperately try to uphold in social situations that we've forgotten what it's like to feel...to hurt, to despair, to be weak, to be elated- to be in touch with ourselves. It's rather sad. I, myself am a victim of this malice, unfortunately. But who can we blame? It's not as if we conspired with each other to create this virus.

Really?

 I'm not too sure about that. Humans are selfish beings- we are the center of our respective universes. No one is allowed to enter beyond a certain a locus-  something that we should respect about one another- it's the legitimate privacy that someone should be endowed with. However, at the other end of the spectrum lies the child within us- the aspect of our self which seeks to expose and express itself honestly and freely. It is this part of ourselves that we fear to let other people see.

Our frailty is, now, thought of as something that other people can't handle- afterall, everyone is too submerged in their own selfish needs and desires to want to accept added baggage on their shoulders. Thus, in response, we tend to mask ourselves- we want to be the heroes- the Batman's and the Superman's and the Wonderwoman's of the world- so much so, that we forget that it's okay to be weak once in a while. It's okay to sit down, cry and think about everything that has gone wrong in our lives. It's okay to miss someone you're not "supposed" to miss. It's okay to tell someone that you're going to miss them after they leave. It's okay to hug someone when you feel like it. None of the above (and other things) make us weaker human beings- in effect, they just prove that, at the end of the day, we're just humans. We're meant to feel. We're supposed to feel that anxious knot in our stomachs when something bad happens. We're supposed to cry when someone hurts us. We're supposed to sweat and palpitate when in danger. We're supposed to smile and laugh when we're happy about something. There's no point in trying to hide it, to mask it, to not act upon a feeling if you feel it coming- someday or the other, it IS going to come out- in one way or the other. Why wait?

What we need now, in today's messed up robotic world, is a release, an expansion of one's locus of interest and a greater endeavor to feel ourselves and reach that self-actualising potential that is impatiently waiting to be discovered within each and every one of us. 

Case #1

X is a 20 year old female who had been married off when she was about to give her last matric examination. According to her mother, who I had earlier mistaken to be her elder sister, explains how X used to be a lively, clever and intelligent girl before fights in her in laws' family broke out. Her husband began receiving death threats from their neighbors due to a fight with X's brother in law. The first time that her husband was threatened, her mother reports that X fell to the ground while conscious. Ever since then, X's mental health has deteriorated profusely. What initially began with disorganized affect (anger outbursts, crying spells, irritation and high levels of aggression), slight insomnia and lower productivity levels has now blossomed into a complete inability to do anything more than sit in one place all day and stare off into space. Her mother and grandmother report that she often talks to herself, refuses to eat (vomits if forced to eat) and communicate with others, has begun urinating without control, takes off her clothes in inappropriate surroundings, does not know her own name when asked (gives some other name), and breaks into bursts of screaming (yells out her husbands name). She does not show any signs of physical mobility. It was reported that she had to be physically hauled out of the rickshaw she was brought to the hospital in this morning.


She has been sitting in front of me for the past hour and has remained in a static position all this time: eyes closed, expressionless with the back of her head resting against the wall behind her. As her grandmother asks her if she'd like to drink water, X opens her eyes momentarily but closes them again. Thus, she remains conscious but the medicines that she was given the previous day seem to have had a hypnotic effect on her. The psychiatrist next to me tries to make some sort of communication initiative by speaking to her, calling out X's name, slightly nudging her- but there is no response whatsoever.


X's mother and grandmother look dejected and disappointed as they watch X in the state that she is in. They are all that she has left since her husband and in laws chucked her out of their house. the doctor recommends immediate hospitalization in the mental health ward I am working in, so that a proper diagnosis can be laid out. for now, nothing can be said as to what X is suffering from but from the looks of it, it seems like a symptom of post traumatic stress coupled with psychotic depression.


A follow up in the coming weeks is likely to reveal more.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

Congratulations

A short post, just to get it off my chest....


I survived today. I don't know how or even why, but I did. 






I'd like to self-congratulate myself.




Congratulations.

Metastasis

Day 2:

I feel....I don't know how I feel actually. It's a whirlpool of emotions; hard to identify and explain. More stable now; think things might be making more sense now. I'm not sure if I'm shocked or not...or in a state of shock...there's something there; a thudding, vibrating pain of some sort, a constantly present elephant in every room, every corner I go to. I'd like it to leave but I don't think that's possible any more. I took the step of writing that letter this morning- it was hard. I guess, unlike what i'd previously thought, the third time isn't a charm. Or whatever. Life must go on – despite the strong urge I'm experiencing to remain sitting here for the rest of it. I idealise myself to be consistently strong, but the weakness is hard to ignore. It's something that I must develop. Something tells me that my mind might be over-exaggerating the situation; it may not be as bad as I might be construing it to be.

It's a very “wish I didn't know now, what I didn't know then” sort of situation. It's like a permanent scar that is going to remain with you all your life, whether or not things work out. This moment can't be reversed; memories cannot be altered, emotions cannot be controlled and regrets cannot be rectified now. It's a little too late. But all you can do it to wait it out, cope and.....carry on.  

Say It Isn't So

Do you know how it feels to have your world crash down on you?

Do you know what it's like to feel like everything around you is a nightmare?

Have you ever felt a hopelessly desperate need to turn back time?

Have you ever felt such grounding regret that it makes you want to physically hurt yourself?

Do you feel a lack of faith resonate your body like an earthquake?

Do you know what it feels like to be a helpless bystander?

Have you ever felt your future hopes and dreams become unimaginable?

Do you know what it's like to hate God?

No?

Imagine all of this hitting you like a million little pieces- at once.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

Let's Celebrate Death

So I was thinking about how a majority of the world is celebrating the death of Osama Bin Laden. Case in point: the endless congratulatory messages from world leaders from all over the world, and the scords of people who formed celebratory mobs outside the White House, shouting pro-American slogans after the “extermination” announcement was made. It makes me think about our species, how we live by hypocritical, double-standards and how we've become insensitive, unhumane animals in an era which supposedly promotes peace, diversity, acceptance and prosperity. I don't see any of it- anywhere. All I see and hear about are deaths, bombing, terrorism, poverty and wars over land and natural resources. What have we become and what has made us this way? Why are we becoming so immune to the injury, pain, distress and death of human life? I don't want to sound like I'm in favour of OLB's life-mission, but I don't think that the solution (for both parties, America and Al-Qaeda in this case) is resorting to killing people. Everyone has a family- a mother, a sister, a father, a brother, best friends, uncle, aunts- that is left behind to suffer and mourn the loss of someone who meant the world to them. The 3,000+ Americans who were killed in the 9/11 attack are no different from the 19,629 civilians killed in Afghanistan since the war there commenced (My aim is not to highlight the disparity in the statistics between the two countries).


I'd like to quote some of the reactions to OLB's death:

“USA! USA! USA! USA! Bin Laden’s been killed! Just texted every number in my contacts!,” - Random Tweet

“Justice has been done,” - Barack Obama

“We finally got him, justice has been done.” - Senator John McCain

“We welcome the death of one of the world’s most dangerous men and highly appreciate the United States’ help in crushing this global enemy,” - Chairul Akbar, secretary general of the anti—terrorism agency in Indonesia

Osama Bin Laden was no angel- I don't advocate his mission or anything that involves killing people (innocent or “evil”). I can't imagine what distress, trauma and pain those 3000+ victims of 9/11 had to go through before they died; not to mention the people who bore witness to the entire ordeal that morning, and the suffering of the families of the people who were less fortunate had to undergo. It's not easy. As humans we're programmed to be emotional, sensitive and weak. So, whether it's an afghani woman who lost her husband in a drone attack, or an elderly man whose US Armed Forces soldier son died in Iraq by a stray roadside bomb, the feelings of losing a person you love remain constant the world over.


So, how can we sit here and rejoice at the death of ANYONE? It doesn't matter whether or not he/she deserves it- who are you to judge? Who are you the end the life of another person? Revenge is not the answer; it only breeds further contempt and violence. It's like a viscious cycle that is never-ending.


Do I want to be a part of a world that believes that the road to peace lies in the murder of members of the human race?


Food for thought.

Baby Got a Little Problem

Baby got a little problem with the drugs man
And I tried to stop her, well
But she loves them
But I can’t do nothing that, last one man
Her nose keeps on bleeding but it’s, but it’s
but it’s nothing and I
And I won’t forget when, when she said

I lick a ring around this L
So that it burns all night
And I pass round that philly so, so
So we can all get high
You see I never knew
I never had a clue that
That you were capable of love

- Capable, K.O