"Masochism."


cut me.
taste my blood.
feel my pleasure.
tell me that the feeling will never end...tell me that this is my food.
i wont fight against the sin, i will merely succumb to your power.
my Lord you have wounded me.
my Lord you have given me life.
i love the pain, Lord.
dont stop, cut a little deeper, should i feel the piercing vibrate through my soul...
shut me up and blind my eyes from seeing that which i want to see. take away from me the art of speech and hearing. let me become nothing more than a vegetable under your control...enslave me.
kill me.

i will thankyou one day. i will meet you one day. i will bow down in gratitude one day.
till that day arrives, treat me the same. accept my pain and my pleasure. show me my blood. show me my soul.
show me the truth of living.
let me live in my world where my pain is my pleasure.
a place where my pain is my survival.

hungry for more..
i want more....more, i said.
give me more.
reaching for the forbidden, i burn..
burn.
enjoying the pain, i reach further...
i reach, my eyes lighting up in pleasure....
the greedy hand reaches for what it should not....
but barely reaching, i am pushed far away by an unknown destructive force..
but nothing can disrupt my vision....nothing can satisfy this unsatiable hunger that roars through my body.....
i squint to focus on my prey as it stands unknowingly of my intentions...
i crawl towards it, still enjoying the burning sensation rushing through my veins...
blood boiling, heart thumping aggressively through my chest, i continue..
i experience the power of addiction as it takes over my senses...
i need it.
give it to me.
i reach it, once again....
i smile a satanic smile...my intentions clear.
i touch.
ahh the pleasure.
give me more.
i want more.
i caress the exterior....the glass gliding smoothly across my skin...the sound of the liquid within consoling my ears like the sound of a hymm providing me with tranquility...
the bottle is opened by my impatient hands.....the same hands that sent this bottle to its death....
as it slips, i feel my body churn....i feel my mind running a thousand different directions...
i dash to rescue my child from its destruction....
in vain.
as i watch its contents spread all over the surface, i find myself crouching in despair to taste...
as my tongue comes into contact with the spilt content, i think to myself:
give me more..
i want more.

the power of addiction has transformed me into a slave.
slave for intoxication.
but as i write this, i think:
give me more.
i want more.
give it to me.

amongst the shadows which lie before my steps, i inhale the drug forced upon me....i wander in a world exclusive to the one chosen for me...senseless words uttered....painful memories loom...i stand shakily as i am in the midst of the haze. they walk towards me, their monstrous presence before me...
i wait for their questions...they wait for my confessions.
no, i say..i shall not speak, i say.
yes you shall, they say as they roughly impose their superiority on my melting soul...
i stammer an answer, once again..
the effects of the drug arise..
i spin, my restraint dying. i fight.
remain upright, i repeat to myself.
i will.
i will stand.
i will, all in their presence. i shall be saved.
she will return, i say.
she will.
i wait.
and i wait...
i desperately cling to myself and her promise but they step closer.
we will save you, they say.
she will come.
come with us, they say...
one more step.
shes coming, i scream. she promised me she would...
and once again, they move...
a hand grasps my shoulder.
shes come, i say. but has she?.
she will not come this time or ever again, they say...
i give in reluctantly as my knees buckle under me...as my breath subsides...as my thoughts dissolve.. i sing to God.
a song for all history...a song for all existance..
eye-lids forcefully come down...i mute myself. and then, i make my way out of the fantasy i live in...
i realise that she shall not return.
she said she would.
my apologies, my child. she lied.
they take me to a world of their own...a world unknown to me...a world where she doesnot exist.
a world where none speak of her.
my world today.
a world i donot want to leave. my home. my haven away from her. my sanctity. my reason for sanity.

All beacause of those parting words she had whispered in my ear....