Saturday, September 30, 2006

hungry for more..
i want more....more, i said.
give me more.
reaching for the forbidden, i burn..
burn.
enjoying the pain, i reach further...
i reach, my eyes lighting up in pleasure....
the greedy hand reaches for what it should not....
but barely reaching, i am pushed far away by an unknown destructive force..
but nothing can disrupt my vision....nothing can satisfy this unsatiable hunger that roars through my body.....
i squint to focus on my prey as it stands unknowingly of my intentions...
i crawl towards it, still enjoying the burning sensation rushing through my veins...
blood boiling, heart thumping aggressively through my chest, i continue..
i experience the power of addiction as it takes over my senses...
i need it.
give it to me.
i reach it, once again....
i smile a satanic smile...my intentions clear.
i touch.
ahh the pleasure.
give me more.
i want more.
i caress the exterior....the glass gliding smoothly across my skin...the sound of the liquid within consoling my ears like the sound of a hymm providing me with tranquility...
the bottle is opened by my impatient hands.....the same hands that sent this bottle to its death....
as it slips, i feel my body churn....i feel my mind running a thousand different directions...
i dash to rescue my child from its destruction....
in vain.
as i watch its contents spread all over the surface, i find myself crouching in despair to taste...
as my tongue comes into contact with the spilt content, i think to myself:
give me more..
i want more.

the power of addiction has transformed me into a slave.
slave for intoxication.
but as i write this, i think:
give me more.
i want more.
give it to me.
amongst the shadows which lie before my steps, i inhale the drug forced upon me....i wander in a world exclusive to the one chosen for me...senseless words uttered....painful memories loom...i stand shakily as i am in the midst of the haze. they walk towards me, their monstrous presence before me...
i wait for their questions...they wait for my confessions.
no, i say..i shall not speak, i say.
yes you shall, they say as they roughly impose their superiority on my melting soul...
i stammer an answer, once again..
the effects of the drug arise..
i spin, my restraint dying. i fight.
remain upright, i repeat to myself.
i will.
i will stand.
i will, all in their presence. i shall be saved.
she will return, i say.
she will.
i wait.
and i wait...
i desperately cling to myself and her promise but they step closer.
we will save you, they say.
she will come.
come with us, they say...
one more step.
shes coming, i scream. she promised me she would...
and once again, they move...
a hand grasps my shoulder.
shes come, i say. but has she?.
she will not come this time or ever again, they say...
i give in reluctantly as my knees buckle under me...as my breath subsides...as my thoughts dissolve.. i sing to God.
a song for all history...a song for all existance..
eye-lids forcefully come down...i mute myself. and then, i make my way out of the fantasy i live in...
i realise that she shall not return.
she said she would.
my apologies, my child. she lied.
they take me to a world of their own...a world unknown to me...a world where she doesnot exist.
a world where none speak of her.
my world today.
a world i donot want to leave. my home. my haven away from her. my sanctity. my reason for sanity.

All beacause of those parting words she had whispered in my ear....