Liberty

Liberation is fulfilling even if its for one night. To feel like you have nothing to worry about is like being weightless and free. Liberating. You stand and watch people around you and that's all that you have- the moment; the present. You feel the lightness in your head and the tingling in your fingers. The pleasure of that feeling is hard to explain- especially when it's very rare that you experience something like that. You almost want to put it in a tight jar and keep it on your bedsde table as a keep sake. You might also want to able to open the jar whenever you want and use what's inside it. You might realize with time that you have the power to capture it from all around you- you realize that it never really leaves you; it's just transparent and intangible unless you make an effort to find it. You can either watch from behind a glass divider or take whatever you can get, whenever you want. I stood there last night capturing the ambience. I was good. I was light. You weren't there and it made me feel free. I want to have more of those but I want it to be able to come to me as I please.

You have the liberty to access liberation. So do I.

Puzzled Musing

Moving forward, walking fast

look back if I care; dare me to care

tragedy at my feet, crazy retreat

heaven's gates too near 

hell too tempting to ignore

show me the path to take

been standing at crossroads far too long

make it stop, unwind the shock

rectify this ego, undo the deed

erase the hurt, remove the guilt

make it complete whole circle round

can't wait for time, let's heal

guilt trip to the past is what I need

hold me in your arms so tight

experience the warmth I once loved

this feeling is so nostalgic, keep it if i may

discard it at will, may I so?

get this done with, let's finish it off

they say time heals all, they do

moving forward, walking fast

look back if i care; dare me to care.

Borderline

An inappropriate song plays in the background. I feel inappropriate. I feel it all coming back to me today and I hate it. Hate you. Not sure if it's hate or if it's something that makes me feel like it's hate. I hate that you ruin the best of my best days- days I look forward to, days I feel complete and amazing. I hate that you take that away from me. I feel as confused as my sentences seem right now. I've been standing at this cross-road for far too long- I'm tired, my stomach feels heavy and my legs feel weak- all the time. I often feel like it's too much to take- as if it would be better if I could put an end to my misery some how. It's burdening, uncomfortable and hurtful...I don't like feeling this way. I don't even know who I'm supposed to blame for this. I blame my sickness. I blame the fact that I can't control it. I can't control you. I can't control how I feel. I want to stop feeling the way I'm feeling..and have been feeling for a long time. I want to be cured. I want to know what it feels like to be normal again. I feel like I don't know what it's like to be the way I used to be- the way people remember me; the way people still see me from the outside. They don't know how much conflict resides in me behind the façade. I hate being this angry all the time. I hate having this sickness. I wish I could get someone to wave a wand and figure this out for me. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. I'd like that. 

 In the midst of all of this, I miss you but know that it's not "you"- it's "it". I'm tired. I feel unstable. I feel labelled. I feel Borderline. 

Rationalise

Let my love worship you as you strip me dry, naked and weak.

Let's watch the sun rise as you steal my soul.

Let's travel to Cloud 9 as you make me weep. 

What's wrong with a sweet dream being nothing but a scary hole?

Bomb Blast? No biggie!

**BREAKING NEWS**: The sound of, what seems to be a massive explosion, was heard in the elite locality of Defence in Karachi this evening. Residents from near-by areas were reported to have run outside their houses in panic, some of whom were of the notion that the city had been hit by a strong earthquake. The cause of the explosion has not been verified as yet, but our channel will bring you the latest as we receive more.


**UPDATE**: We're sorry to inform you that it wasn't an explosion; it seems that Meera Ji was shooting an action scene for her up-coming, soon-to-be-a-flop movie " My Sweet 16: Meera ki Jawaani".


I bet you're a little disappointed. 
You know you are.


Sex. Drugs. Rock n Roll. Islam. Fuck. Religion. Bastard. Veena Malik.


Wait, wait, wait. Is this a game of Identify-the-odd-ones-out? Unfortunately, no. You're probably gearing up to read a blasphemous piece of writing. Are your freshly-washed turbans and Qurans out? Have your five, previously relaxed, senses suddenly sprung in to action, ready to catch and devour anything that may repel them? Well then, I'm really sorry for having to say that you will require none of the above. 


I just like doodling sometimes.


I bet you're a little disappointed. 
You know you are.


In shocking news, twenty-five montessori children were reported missing during a field trip after their van crashed in to a tree on a national highway in Karachi . There has been no word on their whereabouts for the past thirty-six hours; the driver, who is also a suspect in this case, is on the loose; people who live around the Lyari area are requested to notify the police if they have any further information. The suspect, it was been found, has a criminal record. Kidnapping and/or murder are most likely in this situation.


Oh no, wait. Sorry. We found them. They were at school. There was no field trip. 


I bet you're a little disappointed. 
You know you are.


So, what am I doing here, possibly offending most of you?


Pakistan has turned in to a really messed up version of an action/thriller/horror movie-gone-bad. The more twists and turns the more pop-corn is stuffed into greedy movie-goers' mouths. The more the gore, the more the "Hai Allah!" moments. The more "mystery" and "Astaghfirullah!" sputtering opportunities, the more the release of ever-ready adrenaline. We've become so used to, "Well, it can't be worse than this", that when it's not worse than "that", we've already readied ourselves by lowering our standards and raising our expectations. But is it our fault? Are we to blame? 


What happened after the Air Blue flight crashed on the 28th of July 2010? Our television sets were saturated with disturbing images of the demolished aircraft, of  the victims' family members mourning in the "sanctity" of their homes. Our media took the added step of invading the privacies of numerous families during their times of rightful grieving. They bombarded them with mounds of personal (and hurtful, in my opinion) questions. "Aap ki beti kaisi thein?", "Kya aap unn ko miss kareein gi?", "Kya hum unn ka janaza film kar saktay hain?"


And HOW can I forget the cute, little animated Air Blue plane that was repeatedly being blown up on the bottom left hand-side of the Geo News channel? I like cherries on top of my cakes. I enjoy animated versions of disasters too (How did you find out, Geo?).


This is just one example of how the media plays a large hand in numbing us to things/events which should make us uncomfortable. Each and every day, we're invited to sit through pictures and videos of violence, death and gore- to name a few. Being human, how can we remain unaffected?


Times have gone from bad to worse. It's reached a point now where we don't even notice how bad "bad" was and how much worse "worse" is now. A bomb blast is no big deal. "Acha haan, aaj zara bomb phatta tha. Coffee peenay chalna hai?". It's all the same. Happens everyday. We think it's normal when it's actually border-line pathological.


I admit that this piece may be a sweeping generalisation. I'm sure there are many people out there who are as sensitive to, for example, bomb blasts, as they ever were before. I'm also sure there are scores of people who will read this article and wholeheartedly disagree with my point of view (and legitimately so). However, my concern here is bolstered by day-to-day reactions to events that have become recurring patterns. These "events", along with the media's performance, are numbing us to pain which should, essentially, make us scream in agony. Having said that, I do not discount reality itself. We can't hide from it or deny it's existence. How long can we turn a blind eye to things which other people, who have not been as lucky as some of us, have had to face? How long will the fairy tale last for us? It's everywhere. The fear of stepping out of your own house. The new-found stopping-at-traffic-lights-phobia (we should find that a name now). The need to hire guards to escort you to public gatherings. The fearful feeling when a police officer signals you to pull over at night?


I have a problem with the fact that Pakistanis are becoming more and more robotic with each passing day. There seems to be of a more pursuit for "sensationalism" rather than for "sensation". My concern lies in the threat that our children will be "born this way". I worry about us becoming insensitive and callous to . I'm distressed imagining a day when human life and suffering will mean nothing to us. I fear losing us losing our selves.


But what's the solution?


I wish I knew. To be honest.

Saint Maya of Benazir Bhutto Park

Who the hell is Maya Khan and where did she suddenly pop-up from? Maybe I'm too busy living my own burger life to know who she is, but I'm pretty sure of one thing: very few people leave me speechless, and she has  had the (dis)honour of being one of the few (un)lucky ones to have had that effect on me. But while I relentlessly fume at the cheap and, ironically, immoral, "project" this lady managed to successfully execute, another concern comes to mind; one that SHOULD be considered equally salient:


Television gives the masses what it thinks they want. There are numerous people who work behind the scenes- research, production, direction, script-writing, idea-formulation and logistics (to name only a FEW)- who have the authority to either accept or veto ideas.


So, do these people:


a)Think that this is what we, the masses, want to watch- do we yearn to wake up every morning to a group of nosey, holier-than-thou, menopausal aunties? 

b) Have mentalities that reflect agreeing points of view? Does the fact that the idea was approved by the directors, writers of one of Pakistan's leading television channels, echo a similar and ever-growing mentality of our nation and of people who have the power to CHANGE our mind-sets?


I feel it be a matter of concern when what we get is what is thought of as what we want. Confused? Samaa Tv probably thought, "Hey this is EXACTLY what our viewer base wants because this is exactly the kind of stuff they preach. We can continue making MILLIONS by chasing young-love out of parks in Karachi. Let's do it. No one's going to NOT condone this. 


And you know what? They're probably right. You can't be stupid AND run a television channel as successfully as Samaa TV. The creators of the Maya Khan show (whatever it's name is), KNOW  that we do not have a scarcity of Maya-Khan-like-robots  running hither and thither in Pakistan. So maybe we shouldn't really blame them. But I'd be ignorant if I didn't. These people are role models. They enforce and reinforce ideas, morals and codes of behaviour in to those who religiously follow their shows. Why is it imperative for us, as Pakistanis, to continue to stick our noses where they don't belong? Why are some of us hell-bent on making other people's issues and responsibilities our own? These "professionals" may counter my arguments by saying, "Well, these things affect how OUR own children/youth are being socialised- they'll think it's okay to go on dates in parks without their parents' consent.  We're the media. It's much like an obligation. We need to make a positive difference."


Well then, where are these arguments when you air despicable content which is explicit not only for your 10-year old pre-pubescent sons/daughters, but also for your 80-year old mothers/fathers who watch television on a daily basis? Where do all those moral and ethics vanish at that time? Oh so you mean, you'd like the beautiful, young, half-nude actress shaking her heavy bosom for the camera to be your children's role model? Well done!


Let's say it's not about "DUTY". Let's say it's, "Oh but this is what the FANS want." 


If the "fans" want porn, will you give them porn? So you're willing to, potentially, jeopardize the reputations, feelings and privacy that those young couples are entitled to, for the sake of cheap capitalism? Technically, they should be able to sue you right about now. 


It scares me to think that we are being led by such people who have the biggest impact on society.  Are there no limits? No boundaries? Is everything primed by a green light? Is there no respect or concern for consequences? What's next? 


We have better things to be focusing on. Honestly speaking, I shouldn't even have to be writing this piece. Why should I? Are there not people dying in my own city- my own locality even? Is our country not being hit by severe price-hikes? Are we still not recuperating from devastating floods? Isn't our government not going through a notorious period of it's power? And this is just a fraction of what the real picture is. 


Thank you, Maya Khan- for making us realise that all the above calamities have secondary importance in your eyes and of your useless minions as well.  Also, I'd like to give a special shout-out to our very own local media for doing the best they could have to embarrass themselves.  It seems as though Veena Malik has competition.