I'm sitting outside in the driveway of my house and my usually peaceful neighborhood has been polluted with the sounds of bustling traffic, hurriedly anticipating car horns and petrifying ambulance and police car sirens. My mother decided to take a brave step and venture out to a near by grocery store to stock up on basic supplies such as milk, petrol for the car, bread etc. I think she's over reacting because I feel surprisingly calm- after-all, I do live in Pakistan. I think I, along with millions of other pakistani citizens, have slowly but eventually desensitized themselves to the unrest that has surrounded us for years now. It's not something that has happened consciously and actively, but is something very cancer-like: silent, vicious and intoxicating. The same feelings of ill exuberance do not hit me when I hear about a bomb blast ripping through my very own locality, or in this current situation, where a political party's leader's murder has caused unrest throughout the city- so much so, that there are reports coming in about motor vehicles and public transport carriages being burnt, shoot outs occurring city wide and dozens of people being harmed as I type this. But amidst all this unrest, I sit here in the semi permeable safety of the four boundary walls that stand before me.
My safety, and the safety of my loved ones is primary to my conscience- but what about the innumerable people who aren't as lucky? What about the lay man who has to take public transport in order to reach the sanctuary of HIS four walls? What if the bus that he encounters to board is one of the ill-fated ones that is attacked? What if he isn't able to make it home unharmed? And if he is...what conditions will ensue for his family and loved ones? What if he is the sole breadwinner of the clan? What if the he is a she- the mother of young children, the wife of a poor laborer, the sister of an orphan child...? Then what? This doesn't just apply to the underprivileged class of society, it's equally devastating to see a wealthy family lose a loved one or go through such misfortune. We're all humans after-all- we all function the same way. We love, we hurt, we grieve, we recover and try to stand back up on our feet the same way as every next individual. But it's sad that although we are good at empathizing with others and condemn acts of such brutality and inhumanity, it is our very own specie that is the cause of such evil in the world today.
Pakistan has gone through a lot in the past 60 odd years since partition- it's been a rocky road with glimmers of hope which eventually lose their zeal. It's a sad sight. You'd envision positive development and growth (all, economic, political and HUMAN) to take over as time progresses - perhaps the gradual alleviation of poverty, equal opportunities for all citizens, the reduction of political malpractice, an increase in homeland security and most importantly, an increase in quality education of the masses in all spheres. Is this too idealistic a country that one yearns for after 60+ years of independence? I don't think so. Pakistan, in my opinion, has one of the strongest potentials to be a first world country; we have the natural and human resources, we have the talent, we have the intelligence, to say the least- our problem is that we get sidelined by what I'd metaphorically like to call 'extra-academic affairs'. You know how there's always that one kid in class that the teacher has high hopes in but the kid is so distracted by social activities and perhaps his newfound lady-love that he doesn't operationalize his intellectual capacities to their zenith. Thus, instead of getting an A grade, he ends up with a C. Pakistan, in my opinion, is in a similar predicament. We're too sidelined by problems such as corruption, a lack of education, political infighting, 'terrorism' and fighting off decades worth of debt, to name a few, to actually focus primarily on the real issues at hand.
I consider myself to be a very patriotic person. I feel very strongly about my country and what people may say about it. I have to admit that it was the effect of the whole 'distance makes the heart fonder' bullshit that makes me feel this way today. Living abroad makes you realize the worth of something you previously hadn't valued as much; it makes you realize that all the small things about home leave the most lasting impressions on your heart. This is why I made up my mind to return to Pakistan after my studies so that I could serve as a positive contribution to local society in any way that I could instead of being a passive bystander who was 'all talk and no action'. But as days pass and the situation seemingly deteriorates, I shamefully find myself considering retracting my commitment. I wonder whether I'd like to raise a family in a such an unhealthy environment where every day is more precarious than the previous one, where bombs explode like fireworks, where one fears having to wait at traffic signals, where one feels the most at risk and unsafe in the presence of security personnel who are supposed to protect you, where the system feeds on bribery and corruption, where justice lies in the number and color of the currency in your pocket, where education is being upheaved by extremist religious values.....and every day is the funeral of at-least one person who had the misfortune of being at the wrong place at the wrong time.
I'm ashamed to be portraying such a negative image of my mother land. I really am. But sometimes, one has to accept ones' flaws instead of living in a fairyland. I want Pakistan to progress, I want us to prove everyone who is against us at this point in time wrong, I want us to be the underdog that rises to the top. But I'm scared. I'm fearful. Yet hopeful. I don't want it to reach a point where I have to choose between my country and the safety of my family.
Things seemed to have settled down a little on the streets outside. The wind seems to be trying to deliver a similar message as it softly brushes stray locks of hair off my face. Motherly. Peaceful. But then in the lapse of a second, I am able to hear the far off shrills of a racing ambulance. It's probably stuck in traffic as it tries to make it's way to the closest hospital. I wonder how badly injured the person inside it is. I wonder if he/she will survive. I wonder whether he/she is in pain. If so, how much? The four boundary walls of my house continue to stare down at me with resolute dedication to protect me. But I wonder, how long will this spell of sheer luck last? You never think that such things will happen to you. You're always that special one that God has promised go protect no matter what. But living in such times makes me question my confidence. It makes me wonder: When will my turn come?
I look towards the wall in front of me as if expecting a reply of some sort. Surprise surprise. The walls remain silent.
My safety, and the safety of my loved ones is primary to my conscience- but what about the innumerable people who aren't as lucky? What about the lay man who has to take public transport in order to reach the sanctuary of HIS four walls? What if the bus that he encounters to board is one of the ill-fated ones that is attacked? What if he isn't able to make it home unharmed? And if he is...what conditions will ensue for his family and loved ones? What if he is the sole breadwinner of the clan? What if the he is a she- the mother of young children, the wife of a poor laborer, the sister of an orphan child...? Then what? This doesn't just apply to the underprivileged class of society, it's equally devastating to see a wealthy family lose a loved one or go through such misfortune. We're all humans after-all- we all function the same way. We love, we hurt, we grieve, we recover and try to stand back up on our feet the same way as every next individual. But it's sad that although we are good at empathizing with others and condemn acts of such brutality and inhumanity, it is our very own specie that is the cause of such evil in the world today.
Pakistan has gone through a lot in the past 60 odd years since partition- it's been a rocky road with glimmers of hope which eventually lose their zeal. It's a sad sight. You'd envision positive development and growth (all, economic, political and HUMAN) to take over as time progresses - perhaps the gradual alleviation of poverty, equal opportunities for all citizens, the reduction of political malpractice, an increase in homeland security and most importantly, an increase in quality education of the masses in all spheres. Is this too idealistic a country that one yearns for after 60+ years of independence? I don't think so. Pakistan, in my opinion, has one of the strongest potentials to be a first world country; we have the natural and human resources, we have the talent, we have the intelligence, to say the least- our problem is that we get sidelined by what I'd metaphorically like to call 'extra-academic affairs'. You know how there's always that one kid in class that the teacher has high hopes in but the kid is so distracted by social activities and perhaps his newfound lady-love that he doesn't operationalize his intellectual capacities to their zenith. Thus, instead of getting an A grade, he ends up with a C. Pakistan, in my opinion, is in a similar predicament. We're too sidelined by problems such as corruption, a lack of education, political infighting, 'terrorism' and fighting off decades worth of debt, to name a few, to actually focus primarily on the real issues at hand.
I consider myself to be a very patriotic person. I feel very strongly about my country and what people may say about it. I have to admit that it was the effect of the whole 'distance makes the heart fonder' bullshit that makes me feel this way today. Living abroad makes you realize the worth of something you previously hadn't valued as much; it makes you realize that all the small things about home leave the most lasting impressions on your heart. This is why I made up my mind to return to Pakistan after my studies so that I could serve as a positive contribution to local society in any way that I could instead of being a passive bystander who was 'all talk and no action'. But as days pass and the situation seemingly deteriorates, I shamefully find myself considering retracting my commitment. I wonder whether I'd like to raise a family in a such an unhealthy environment where every day is more precarious than the previous one, where bombs explode like fireworks, where one fears having to wait at traffic signals, where one feels the most at risk and unsafe in the presence of security personnel who are supposed to protect you, where the system feeds on bribery and corruption, where justice lies in the number and color of the currency in your pocket, where education is being upheaved by extremist religious values.....and every day is the funeral of at-least one person who had the misfortune of being at the wrong place at the wrong time.
I'm ashamed to be portraying such a negative image of my mother land. I really am. But sometimes, one has to accept ones' flaws instead of living in a fairyland. I want Pakistan to progress, I want us to prove everyone who is against us at this point in time wrong, I want us to be the underdog that rises to the top. But I'm scared. I'm fearful. Yet hopeful. I don't want it to reach a point where I have to choose between my country and the safety of my family.
Things seemed to have settled down a little on the streets outside. The wind seems to be trying to deliver a similar message as it softly brushes stray locks of hair off my face. Motherly. Peaceful. But then in the lapse of a second, I am able to hear the far off shrills of a racing ambulance. It's probably stuck in traffic as it tries to make it's way to the closest hospital. I wonder how badly injured the person inside it is. I wonder if he/she will survive. I wonder whether he/she is in pain. If so, how much? The four boundary walls of my house continue to stare down at me with resolute dedication to protect me. But I wonder, how long will this spell of sheer luck last? You never think that such things will happen to you. You're always that special one that God has promised go protect no matter what. But living in such times makes me question my confidence. It makes me wonder: When will my turn come?
I look towards the wall in front of me as if expecting a reply of some sort. Surprise surprise. The walls remain silent.
No comments:
Post a Comment